God I love the Brothers Grimm; Judge me all you want!

Ah, alas, we have finally found my one weakness: The Brothers Grimm FairyTales. these were the very first type of fairytales I ever read or was told about as a kid. oh, the nostalgia, it hurts. anyways, in case you don't notice, I love these stories. They are like disney but with more twists than an M. Night Shymalan film and more strangeness than a Steven King Thriller. They really drag you in with obscene gestures and out of right field ideas. I love it! and where was I going with this again? ohhhhh right. The main things that fascinate me most about these stories are how unpolished and crude they are, it really makes it work. 

For instance, in the story The Juniper tree, the main line thats echoed throughout the story (My mother she killed me, my father he ate me…Must I go farther?) is just plain gruesome. although, it does sort of end in the lighter side of things with the kid turning into a bird so I guess its not all bad. but still he does get killed and eaten by the very two people who birth him. Thats not even the strangest story. That whole business with the bird, the mouse, and the sausage is just plain looney toons if you ask me. I mean, if a talking sausage is a main character in your story, theres either something very wrong with you or theres probably some really strong substance you're on. 

In reading all of these stories, they all have something completely insane about them I seriously cannot believe parents actually read these stories to their children to teach them lessons. I mean I am sure as hell they would work 110% of the time in scarring children into learning to do and not to do some things. I do enjoy the seriousness mixed with eccentric twists with a passion. I kind of wish these were required to be read in elementary schools. they would have been so much more enjoyable to read then like shakespeare and grapes of wrath, plus you could have been able to laugh morbidly at these stories and not even be looked at funny. I mean the evil stepsisters in Cinderella getting their eyes pecked from their heads by the helpful birds is funny in a vengeful sort of way, nothing weird about laughing at their pain cause they deserved it, right? Kids would totally dig these more then any story that teachers told them in school and it would give them some solid morals to hold on to (in most cases), you sure as hell aint going to get morals from someplace like Romeo and Juliet. well, at least not ones kids have any actual need to retain. but these stories stay true for kids century after century and decade after decade for the most part. Okay thats enough of my spiel for the night, Thanks for listening!

Insults of the past….. GENIUS!

Hey guys, sorry I’m doing this so late, I have been unusually busy. I am writing tonight to talk about the first chapter of “The Tempest”. Now you are probably expecting me to say something about magic and or mysticism. Normally you would be correct but something else caught my eye. Something crude yet satisfying. As I was reading through the first chapter, I marveled at all the wonderful expressions and jokes the characters were making. But, that is not all; I also kept a watchful eye out for colorful insults and the like. As I began to focus on that and the strange expressions, a whole new world opened up to me. Turns out, Shakespeare was quite the creative fellow when he put his mind to it. Plus when you really take the time to read through his stuff rather slow and calculating, you find sooooo many funny things.

In just the first act of the book, we hear the comic relief making good jokes and even greater one liners. Antonio and Sebastian as they are setting off to leave the ship have a little exchange where Antonio says we should die with the captain and Sebastian retorts that they should leave him. I thought that was really funny. Then we have Miranda in act 1, scene 2, listening to Prospero intently. Prospero asks her if she can hear him and she tells him “your tale, sir, would cure deafness”(Act 1, Scene 2, Line 127). That’s a great expression. I honestly don’t know how he comes up with this stuff. I am wondering if it’s just him or does everyone have a mind for clever retorts in his age. The insults are even better! In act 1, scene 2, Prospero is talking about the ship he traveled to the island on by saying it was “A rotten carcass of a butt…[that] the very rats instinctively quit it.” He is literally saying this boat is a piece of crap that not even the rats can deal with. That’s freaking genius if I ever heard it.

When I read through all these expressions, I got to imagining how it would be like if people actually thought of clever insults rather than just go the mainstream way and calling everyone an asshole or a butthead. What ever happened to creativity people?! I want to try and start a trend where people insult others through newer and more creative ways. For instance, instead of me calling someone a tool, I can say you useless sack of pig feces or you generic piece of giants toe jam. Like that’s actually genius (hey look, I’m modest too). So, if anyone calls you a name, think of something clever that not even they will be able to begin to comprehend. Sayonara, folks, and seeya next time.  

Is Merlin Really Dead? Dun Dun DUNNNNNNNNN!!!

Hey guys, Peter here with another episode of "Your Crazy, But Keep Talking". Okay, so I was going from underline quote to underline quote and went from space to space in between. On the very last page of the "Prose Merlin", where he is entombed in a dark, dank, hole in the ground, the story mentioned how his cries could be heard throughout the land. No they never mention if or when they go silent. So (stick with me here), what if he dug a really deep hole out the bottom and into the air letting him out? I mean he is born of a woman AND a demon. I dont think even a very large boulder could stop him from getting out. He is magically and all powerful and, with those attributes in mind, he is most likely immortal too.


But, that is not why I am writing today. Some of you folks may not know this already, but I am a bit of a conspiracy theorist (yeah, shocking isnt it?). As I sat thinking further and further about Merlin and his so called "death", it hit me. I remembered that when Merlin was born, he was gifted with quite a bit of extra hair. Later on in his life I imagined he got rid of it at least for the sake of holding up appearances or hanging out with royalty. With that hair issue he had, there is a great way he could put it to use----- as a disguise for, say, hiding in plain sight or rather somewhat hidden site in the forests and swamps of the world. after all, in the "Vita Merlini" that we read for last week, he sounded like he enjoyed hanging out in the woods with the animals, at least until he had that McMansion built for him.

That whole idea of living in the woods brings me to my next theory: Merlin is the Sasquatch! *Cue Dramatic gasps from the audience(Lisa, Jennifer thats your cue)* I mean it would explain how there are so many sasquatch, skunk apes, boogey mman, and bigfoot sightings all around the world. He is again very powerful and magical which would make it possible for him to be in two places at once or more. Maybe, he willed the hair on his body to grow thick and matted and began to use fairies as stilts to make him look taller. Or maybe, he really was that tall and thats what made people see him as magical; which makes my sputterings just sound like the insane utterings of a man who should be residing in the looney bin with all the other crazies. But, then again it is possible! so therefore I am not insane I tell you, I swear it! Thanks for listening to my ramblings for the day and goodnight FREDERICK!!
(PS I know these are wookies but I simply could not resist)

CABIN FEVER DRIVES YA CRAZY!

Hey guys, I welcome you all to the world of my mind and its nonsense. I apologize if things get graphic. If you cannot handle it, please run do not walk to your nearest exit. Anyways, I was sitting around reading the selections about Julian Norwich and something struck me as absolutely insane. This women being an anchoress would pretty much sit and rot in an itty-bitty living space not much bigger than a giants’ breadbox. Basically, after I heard about this woman and her wee living arrangements, I had no choice but to check up on how exactly these folks lived. I had to look through Google images and see for myself how unfortunate a living space these really were.

If you refer to the picture to the left, these holes in the wall were literally holes in the wall. These rooms are NOT for the faint of heart or the weak minded. But if you find your only necessities are sleep, eat, defecate, and rinse and repeat, then congratulations you are ready for your life as an anchoress ----- or a teenager. See if you have ever looked up pictures of where hermits live, they have it a lot better. They get to live in a cabin in the woods all alone amongst the animals, the plants, and nature overall. Actually, that sounds like my definition of a good way of living. Easy, Relaxing, and Comforting. But then again, my definition of a good time is sleeping on the dirt in and amongst scary and sometimes unwelcoming critters.

Honestly, the one main concern id have in situations of living alone or with god? What the hell can one possibly do to keep themselves busy for years at a time without any connection to the outside world or other people (at least for the most part). I would literally lose my mind and would end up talking to the dust bunnies, bugs, or even a sports ball id call Wilson. Cabin fever would be my worst enemy in solitude. I’m sure there are people who can last exorbitantly long spans of time talking to themselves and meditating, but if the reality TV Show, Anchoress Factor, ever came on id be out by the first round. Another issue id think about in such a situation is exercise. I mean how much physical activity can you get in a box that is smaller than that woman’s shoe house in that fairytale. I mean I guess you would not live very long without exercise so it would in retrospect make your time in that box significantly shorter, but what do I know. Anyways, hope you’ve enjoyed my nonsense for this evening, seeya later on.

                                                         (Had to do it)

Money and Prestige; the bringer of things

I read through part of chapter seven until I came upon a quote that really struck me and ended up blowing my mind to billions of tiny smithereens, "Men's hearts to every ill incites Th'accursed love of gold…"(KP 233). The motives of most people in this day and age for doing better in their jobs and careers and generally most things, is money and notoriety. Up until reading this selection, I thought that was always a more modern thing to be out for money and prestige. Apparently, I am wrong. money and status has always been the defining factor in all things. prestige is how people have power over others and money is the enabler. you cant have one without the other. They make each other better. Like lewis and clark, or ice and cream, or like cookies and warm milk. Money is so important to people that sometimes people will even sellout their family or friends for it like judas did to jesus. Money can get you anything and everything. Money is the down fall of society. But it can also bring people up. It can just as much bring up a good cause as much as a good one. 

With enough money, you can bring a government crashing down. With enough money, you can bring yourself prestige and notoriety. With increased prestige and notoriety, it can bring boatloads of dough. With such influence and monetary support, you could do anything you wished. See, thats why people want money. It can level the playing field. The devil seems to be the dealer in money. so in that respect, it must be evil or an incentive to evil. Everywhere you look, people seem to be selling their souls for stockings filled with endless gold, or even better, skills that can get them as much gold as possible in the least amount of time. People have been fighting over money for years. usually, the guy with the thickest wallet won. That just seems to lead to better equipment, training, and overall, better soldiers. Money can be a blessing or a curse. too much coin in your pocket can make you sink to the bottom of a lake or it can buy you a boat in an effort to not have that happen. 

The way I look at it, I think money will always sort of be the bane of humanity. It is the reasoning behind why when societies went agricultural, the man with the biggest surplus of food, was the highest up. But, with the evolution of the food systems, as people gained more and more stuff, war and fighting would ensue. Overall, money and its equivalents might bring good tidings and high class, but its no good when your gone from this world to the next.

Attitude Adjustment

As I sat down to read chapters 2 and 3 of Kors and Peters, something struck me as completely odd and it blew my mind. Apparently when, monks, friars, nuns, and whoever else had total undeniable access to literature of questionable origin, came across notions and writings of relation to sorcery, magic, or anything of otherworldly nature, they didn’t just stop reading or writing about it or even stop teaching it. These people, these godly people, actually wrote about it, as it was big deal. This coming from many of the same people who would’ve sooner burned a proponent of witchcraft or magic. That’s insane. When I think of witchcraft of the olde (e to the end=old), I think people being burned at the stake, tortured, or having their children (if they had any) taken away in an effort to make them renounce this “evil” way of life.

As I thought further and further into the matter of such things, an idea struck me. The whole feeling towards magic and sorcery was not always what it was during the days of yore. Much earlier before that, monasteries and even the common people embraced the powers of magic towards their own ends. In many early manuscripts, questionable cures of ailments were openly written about and used. That isn’t even the strangest part: allusions to the bible and its ideas sprung out from the same pages of evil and witchery. Then, the ideas of magic and its rituals and spells were said to be a “criminal sin” if even talked about (Kors/Peters, 59). And now, in 2015, people have parades and covens based on the ancient arts and rituals of earth magic and its sub disciplines. I mean seriously people MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!!

This whole stage of acceptance afterwords all came from the translated texts of Arabic origins now made widely available due to the printing press and increased curiosity over all things natural, theological, philosophical, musical, mathematical, and supernatural and all and everything in between. The people of the far, middle, and near east, seemed to be much more open to all things both physical and spiritual. This openness to test everything for the sake of knowledge ended up rubbing off big time in their written works. These ended up translated and being more widely available than they had been in previous years and could be found nearly everywhere. That compounded with the learning people began to be getting from these Arabic texts on alchemy, astrology and the works ended up giving us that many more amateur witches and wizards and that many more people that you’d much rather not cut in front of for fear of being turned into a newt or better yet a sack of potatoes. People definitely changed their attitudes towards otherworldly matters: now if it was for better or for worse, that’s for you to decide…