God I love the Brothers Grimm; Judge me all you want!

Ah, alas, we have finally found my one weakness: The Brothers Grimm FairyTales. these were the very first type of fairytales I ever read or was told about as a kid. oh, the nostalgia, it hurts. anyways, in case you don't notice, I love these stories. They are like disney but with more twists than an M. Night Shymalan film and more strangeness than a Steven King Thriller. They really drag you in with obscene gestures and out of right field ideas. I love it! and where was I going with this again? ohhhhh right. The main things that fascinate me most about these stories are how unpolished and crude they are, it really makes it work. 

For instance, in the story The Juniper tree, the main line thats echoed throughout the story (My mother she killed me, my father he ate me…Must I go farther?) is just plain gruesome. although, it does sort of end in the lighter side of things with the kid turning into a bird so I guess its not all bad. but still he does get killed and eaten by the very two people who birth him. Thats not even the strangest story. That whole business with the bird, the mouse, and the sausage is just plain looney toons if you ask me. I mean, if a talking sausage is a main character in your story, theres either something very wrong with you or theres probably some really strong substance you're on. 

In reading all of these stories, they all have something completely insane about them I seriously cannot believe parents actually read these stories to their children to teach them lessons. I mean I am sure as hell they would work 110% of the time in scarring children into learning to do and not to do some things. I do enjoy the seriousness mixed with eccentric twists with a passion. I kind of wish these were required to be read in elementary schools. they would have been so much more enjoyable to read then like shakespeare and grapes of wrath, plus you could have been able to laugh morbidly at these stories and not even be looked at funny. I mean the evil stepsisters in Cinderella getting their eyes pecked from their heads by the helpful birds is funny in a vengeful sort of way, nothing weird about laughing at their pain cause they deserved it, right? Kids would totally dig these more then any story that teachers told them in school and it would give them some solid morals to hold on to (in most cases), you sure as hell aint going to get morals from someplace like Romeo and Juliet. well, at least not ones kids have any actual need to retain. but these stories stay true for kids century after century and decade after decade for the most part. Okay thats enough of my spiel for the night, Thanks for listening!

Viewer Discretion Advised

I have really enjoyed reading the Brother Grimm Fairy Tales this past week. I have always loved fairy tales, but adding these dark twists make me love them even more. I have always had a sick sense of humor so I love these violent acts that were added in. In The Juniper Tree when the stepmother cut up the boy’s body and put it in the stew, oh my god. And then the dad ate him! And said it was the best strew he had ever tasted! Wow, I really just love that. Like who would think to write that? Wow. That was great. And then in The Two Traveling Companions when the shoemaker cut out the tailor’s eyes! Why would anyone do that? “Oh I will give you food, but give me your eyes!” That does not help the tailor in any way. That is just sick. I think it added a good element to the story.

I do think these stories teach good lessons though, while still having brutal acts in them. In The Two Traveling Companions, people are being taught to always do good. Karma is a real thing. When the tailor helped out all of the animals, they all helped him out. When the shoe maker cut out the tailor’s eyes, abandoned him, and tried to hurt him, the shoemaker was the one who ended up dying of starvation. When you do the right thing, things go your way and end well; that is a great lesson for everyone to know. This lesson was shown in multiple other fairy tales like The Juniper Tree and The Three Snake Leaves.

I really enjoyed The Three Snake Leaves as well because of the romance. The prince was willing to be buried alive to show his love for the princess. And then he even brought her back to life! But then the story shows how girls are evil and don’t appreciate things boys do for them, and the princess cheated on him and had him murdered. But she could never get away with that. The loyal servant who was probably my favorite character, saved the prince’s life! He did not have to do that, he could have saved the snake leaves for himself, but he didn’t. I also loved that the King went against his own daughter because she was a terrible person. She deserved that. It was a good twist, even though it was a little less violent.

Insults of the past….. GENIUS!

Hey guys, sorry I’m doing this so late, I have been unusually busy. I am writing tonight to talk about the first chapter of “The Tempest”. Now you are probably expecting me to say something about magic and or mysticism. Normally you would be correct but something else caught my eye. Something crude yet satisfying. As I was reading through the first chapter, I marveled at all the wonderful expressions and jokes the characters were making. But, that is not all; I also kept a watchful eye out for colorful insults and the like. As I began to focus on that and the strange expressions, a whole new world opened up to me. Turns out, Shakespeare was quite the creative fellow when he put his mind to it. Plus when you really take the time to read through his stuff rather slow and calculating, you find sooooo many funny things.

In just the first act of the book, we hear the comic relief making good jokes and even greater one liners. Antonio and Sebastian as they are setting off to leave the ship have a little exchange where Antonio says we should die with the captain and Sebastian retorts that they should leave him. I thought that was really funny. Then we have Miranda in act 1, scene 2, listening to Prospero intently. Prospero asks her if she can hear him and she tells him “your tale, sir, would cure deafness”(Act 1, Scene 2, Line 127). That’s a great expression. I honestly don’t know how he comes up with this stuff. I am wondering if it’s just him or does everyone have a mind for clever retorts in his age. The insults are even better! In act 1, scene 2, Prospero is talking about the ship he traveled to the island on by saying it was “A rotten carcass of a butt…[that] the very rats instinctively quit it.” He is literally saying this boat is a piece of crap that not even the rats can deal with. That’s freaking genius if I ever heard it.

When I read through all these expressions, I got to imagining how it would be like if people actually thought of clever insults rather than just go the mainstream way and calling everyone an asshole or a butthead. What ever happened to creativity people?! I want to try and start a trend where people insult others through newer and more creative ways. For instance, instead of me calling someone a tool, I can say you useless sack of pig feces or you generic piece of giants toe jam. Like that’s actually genius (hey look, I’m modest too). So, if anyone calls you a name, think of something clever that not even they will be able to begin to comprehend. Sayonara, folks, and seeya next time.